


i love him and i don’t know what to do

by paranormalbouquet



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 03:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20370250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranormalbouquet/pseuds/paranormalbouquet
Summary: Writing your thoughts down can be very beneficial. Making your brain form actual sentences about what you’re feeling can potentially help you process.





	i love him and i don’t know what to do

Cody’s anxiety had been bad lately. Real bad. He had opened up to his mom about it late one night while he was curled up in his bed alone. So fucking alone.

There’s this boy. His name is Noel. And Noel is very important to Cody. So so important. 

Noel’s this guy he had heard of on a now dead platform and chatted with a few times over, the internet being the barrier between them. 

Cody then miraculously met him face to face because they just happened to work for the same company. 

Noel’s this guy that Cody became very good friends with and started making videos with. 

They created a podcast together and Cody practically spends all his time with him now.

Noel’s this guy that Cody is in love with.

Before he called his mom that night, all he could think about was him. Maybe that was why his anxiety was so bad lately. Coming to terms with something you don’t even want to admit to yourself can destroy a person. Trying to repress your feelings can tear you to shreds from the inside out. 

He’d do anything, you fucking name it, before he would tell Noel about his feelings. Like Cody said, he’s too goddamn important to him to even think about sharing that with Noel. So much of his life is built on Noel, Noel, Noel…

And so, what if he’d leave? What if Cody told him how he felt and the unrequited love pushed them apart? It would never be the same. Ever. 

But his fucking eyes. Noel’s gorgeous eyes. His hair and the way it was always so kept. His nose and the perfect angle that it sat on his face. His cheeks and how they plumped up when he laughed… His laugh, oh my god, his laugh. It would curve his beautiful lips up just right and cause these little creases to form at the corners of his eyes. All Cody had to do was say something funny or stupid and Noel would laugh at him. It filled him with warmth. 

And now he craved that warmth. He craved it so much that he was curled up in his bed, clenched teeth, heavy breaths, and tight fists. He wanted to sink into the bed and be no more. He didn’t want to fucking deal with anything. 

On the brink of full breakdown, he scrambled for his phone, called his mom, and let it all out. Opened the floodgates. 

She told him sometimes it helps to just spill everything into a journal. Writing your thoughts down can be very beneficial. Making your brain form actual sentences about what you’re feeling can potentially help you process. 

She told him he can _ always _ call her. Whenever, wherever. 

She told him to not give up. 

So did just that. He started a journal.

Except he did it on his phone. A notes app document dedicated just to his thoughts and his thoughts only. He would pull it out whenever his brain got to be too much for him. It actually helped with more than just his feelings for Noel. In fact, sometimes he liked going back to it if he had a good day and to just tell why it was good. 

He’d been writing in it for months and Noel took notice whenever they hung around each other. Sometimes they’d be out with a whole group of people and Noel would look over at Cody typing away. He never dared to ask him about it though. That was his business. He didn’t want to pry. 

Until they were out at a bar one night, just the two of them, and they were both one too many drinks in. 

Cody left his phone sitting on the bar table unlocked as he went to the bathroom and Noel had no self-restraint. 

He picked up Cody’s phone and opened the notes app, his journal being the first thing that popped up. He read it with no concern for how much of a violation of privacy this all was.

“i love him and i dont know what to do,” “whenever he looks at me my heart hurts,” “i cant fucking breath,” “i have to tell him… but no u cant u fucking idiot,” “i made him laugh today harder than ive ever seen him laugh. it was good,” “i fucking hate myself. why do i have to feel this way.” 

“im so fucking in love with noel.”

Drunken Noel’s mouth fell slightly open and tried to process what he had just read. 

That little bit of sober Noel that was left told him to stop being a fucking dick and put Cody’s phone back the way he found it.

Cody came back to his seat at the bar and before he could even fully settle into his chair again, Noel leaned over and smashed his lips against Cody’s.

**Author's Note:**

> tacotuesdaygirl on twitter and tumblr


End file.
